Date: 12-03-2022
Tags: identity integration self-expression
Source: Journals Gray Cloth
Reflections on the Inner and Outer Psychic Worlds
I have written before about the two conflicting aspects of my personality. Let’s call them “The Doer” and “The Dreamer”.
For a long time now, the Doer has been running the show. I’ve been driven to succeed once again, and all of my energy has been funneled into that endeavor.
I’ve been working hard each week on my tutorials and doing tons of research on how to build an audience on YouTube so I can sell courses, all while maintaining the workload for my clients.
Pursuing my goals has energized me and kept me busy, but as usual there has been a nagging sense that I’m a bit off track. Somehow, as good and right and sensible as this path may seem from the outside, it just feels out of alignment with myself.
I wish it weren’t so…
I am so tired of being divided and pulled in all directions. This makes me feel weak and aimless. I want to be able to focus deeply on one thing and pursue it with all my heart. Deep down, I do know what I want.
I want to be free to express myself.
I want to bring my inner world out and share myself with others.
I want this, but I’m also terrified of it at the same time. I’m terrified to be seen. Terrified to let people in.
My inner world is my sacred place, my sanctuary, my refuge from all that is untrue, and as of yet my sanctuary has been completely untouched by the outer world.
Like lovers face to face and yet separated by a thick wall of glass, my inner and outer worlds have known each other, longed for each other, yet never touched…
I have been alone in my little castle for so long…