Date: 01-17-2024
Tags: self-acceptance loss
Source: Journals Blue Stars
Taking a gander at my journal from 2018 I see that I’ve been struggling with the same things for a long time: feelings of unworthiness, crippling anxiety, fear of the future, being ashamed of my trauma… Is there victory to be found in these areas?
Everyone is suffering in some way. I get lost in my own pain and I forget that.
There’s this cartoon called Midnight Gospel… In one episode, Duncan Trussell and his mom (who died shortly after the recording) are having a conversation about the impermanence of life. She explains to him how it all comes and goes in a sort of indifferent expression of ebbing and flowing.
“Yes, but what about heartbreak-” Duncan asks, “what do you do about that?” “You cry,” she says, “You Cry.”
And of course this made me cry.
Nothing matters more than love. Not my career. Not my individual purpose. Not any achievement on the earth.
Draw me back to Love. I wander… I wander into selfishness.
Life is in this moment now. What is all the worry for? Why try to figure it all out? I have been so terrified of finding myself one day living with regret that I find myself now not living at all.
”There is no coming to consciousness without pain.” - Carl Jung
How am I framing this time now? Am I not growing and evolving? And how do I want the rest of my life to go?
I would like to make art and travel the world. I would like to find some place I belong. I’d like to love and be loved. I would like to boldly and beautifully express what this human experience is like for me.
Links to
It is so beautifully tragic to be human.